finally…the results of several research projects are in and scientists have found that the use of positive mantras, phrases and thinking (such as ‘I am good’ etc) makes the majority of people feel worse than before.

Thank god.

It’s about time someone spelled that out in black and white.

The only people who benefit from positive thinking are those that are already positive about themselves. Repeating a phrase such as “I am a good person” over and over when you do not feel like you are a good person does nothing but confirm and re-inforce the contradiction deep within your emotional being and essentially destroys you. Paralyzes your ability to act on change because you have amplified the very evidence of your unworth (which is the contrast – whether it be founded in reality or not).

Now, repeat that phrase 20 times a day and you have driven your self esteem into the ground.

It’s one of the reasons that I have been a long time complainer about such ridiculous proposals as “the secret”. All that crap is, as Sweeney Todd would say, is a bit of piss in a bottle with some food coloring. People buy it because we want, when we feel bad, to feel better…immediately. Feeling bad, emotionally or physically is the great “reverter’ in life – no matter where we are or how far we have come, pain brings out the desire of a child to have something made “all better”.

In an instant.
Magically.

The majority of self-help plays on this. Offering be-all-and-end-all solutions to a process (life) that has no solution because it is an individual and unique experience.

One of the best things I read last night was from “Chang and Eng” and it was a description of the effect of drinking on someone’s life. That in seeking escape from pain they lose the ability to learn from grief and suffering. Too often we lose sight of the fact that escapism is not restricted to alcohol and drugs. It comes in jobs, relationships, sports, hobbies, books, movies, music…anything we use beyond momentary relief and depend upon to change how we feel also trains us to never experience what we feel and we remain emotionally stunted.

At the root of all this is the demand that has arisen that life be “beautiful and pleasant”. Suffering and grief are restricted to small moments – an “important death” or a random tragedy but even then, time limits are assigned and we try to rush ourselves through suffering as if it were an imposition rather than just one of the many flowers of life.

The human brain is a remarkable thing, we can temporarily convince ourselves of just about anything – from the brilliance of an idiot decision to the depths of a relationship where none exists, to even believing that we are “getting” better when all we are really doing is experiencing things (briefly) in a new package. But eventually, and this is a gift, the deception of the mind cannot last under the weight of reality. Fad diets fail, self help trends don’t fix the core ache, relationships are revealed to be empty rather than full and we seek the next thing.

And seek it fast.

Crying out “god save me from the pain!”

Unless we learn to become able to breathe and being able to breathe to sit through our pain and discover that it ends on its own.

Life is…many things.

In the ghazal the terrible pain of loss and separation is also a part, a chorus of what is a recognition of the depth of the love. For in love lies one of the greatest griefs of all that comes about with no tragedy, no loss, no break up or illness.

It is a grief that will come and sit down beside you on the bench some sunny day as you bask in the beauty of life and that grief is the acknowledgement that all life passes and the love you feel for someone will someday have to hold their passing or they, yours..

In life, all things are balanced.

All things give and take.

All things are in constant change and flux.

The constancy comes from our willingness to be present.

And to quote Chang and Eng again…

“the good fisherman is the one who is aware of constant change and does what needs to be done in order to diminish the influence of fate…”

I have…one nostril today…so life is good…maybe tomorrow I will be able to breathe through two.

Wouldn’t that be something?

New Performance Video!  Requiem for a God what is that little flower? copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com

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